Five Things You Must Never Say to Your Child
Words have the power to shape a child’s self-esteem, beliefs, and emotional well-being. As parents, we sometimes say things in moments of frustration or stress that we may not realize could hurt our children deeply. Here are five things you should avoid saying to your child—and what to say instead to nurture their confidence and emotional growth.
1. “Why can’t you be more like…?”
Comparing your child to a sibling, friend, or even yourself at their age can make them feel inadequate or that they’ll never be “good enough.” This type of comparison can harm their self-esteem and create unnecessary rivalry or resentment.
What to say instead:
- “I love how unique you are. Let’s work together on improving [behavior/skill].”
- Encourage their individuality, and help them grow at their own pace.
2. “You’re too sensitive”
When a child is upset or emotional, telling them they’re “too sensitive” invalidates their feelings and teaches them that their emotions are wrong. Over time, they may suppress their emotions, leading to struggles with emotional expression later in life.
What to say instead:
- “I can see this is really bothering you. Let’s talk about it.”
- Acknowledge their emotions and guide them in understanding how to handle difficult feelings.
3. “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal”
Dismissing your child’s feelings or tears can make them feel unheard and unimportant. While their reason for crying may seem minor to you, it’s significant to them. Brushing it off teaches them that their emotions don’t matter.
What to say instead:
- “It’s okay to feel sad/frustrated. I’m here if you want to talk.”
- Validate their emotions and offer support in navigating their feelings.
4. “You’ll never be able to do that”
Telling your child that they can’t achieve something or are incapable of doing something diminishes their confidence. Whether it’s out of concern for their safety or impatience, this phrase can discourage them from trying new things or believing in themselves.
What to say instead:
- “With practice, you can get better at this. Let’s give it a try together.”
- Foster a growth mindset by encouraging effort and persistence.
5. “I’m disappointed in you”
Hearing that they’ve disappointed you can be crushing for a child. It suggests that your love is conditional on their behavior and can lead to feelings of shame and inadequacy. While it’s important to address poor behavior, there’s a better way to do it.
What to say instead:
- “I didn’t like what you did, but I know you can make better choices.”
- Focus on the behavior, not the child. Reaffirm that while their actions may have consequences, it doesn’t change your love for them.
Conclusion
The words you use with your child play a vital role in shaping their emotional and psychological development. By choosing words that encourage and guide rather than criticize or belittle, you’ll help your child grow into a confident, emotionally healthy individual. Remember, your voice will become their inner voice—make it one filled with support, patience, and love.